September 22, 2020 7 min read 6 Comments

These were the two options laid out for me at the beginning of the year BC (before Covid)😩.  I'd made the decision. This year was going to be the end of my feeling like this and I was going to make it happen!

I have spent the last 5 years in hospital on and off. I've had knee surgery twice, sinus surgery twice and spinal surgery due to having severe sciatica and disc degeneration.  

After the last surgery I was taking some pretty serious pain medication that was causing me grief in so many ways. I had ongoing neuropathic pain in my left leg and sciatica back on both sides. It was fairly evident that I either suck it up because I was going to have to rely on pain meds to get me through the day orreally suck it up and find alternative ways to start living again. 

I can remember my husband buying me my first TENS machine and me being such a bitch to him saying "OMG! Do you really think that afreakin TENS machine is going to make any difference?SERIOUSLY????".  Actually, I may have even thrown it back at him with those words 😏😏

That afternoon I arrived home after a busy day on the floor, I was in so much pain... So, I  had to ask him if I could give that 'freakin TENS machine' a go....Ummmm, (I may have gotten so fat over the years because sometimes I have had to eat a lot of humble pie!! 🤪)

I could not believe how well it worked for me! I would never say I was pain free but it certainly helped me to refocus on something else other than my world of pain.  I don't know if you know what it's like to live with chronic pain?  I certainly didn't know before my life changed so drastically.  I had no respect for how chronic pain can diminish your quality of life.  It was pretty frightening for both me and my family. 

Now that I had this neat little tool, I thought maybe I could take the steps to get off all the meds.  That was a long slow crawl, weaning myself off slowly and it took what seemed like forever but was probably about a year.  I was starting to find my "focus" again and if you have ever been on those medications you know what I am talking about.  You feel like your head is wrapped with cotton wool and it's just so frustrating.  

Trying to find the right words for things was my biggest challenge, believe it or not.  It was so very, very difficult to run a business especially one where you are communicating with people every day.   

Now that you have some background, fast forward again to the beginning of the year when I was wondering how on earth I was going to lose the weight!  I had tried everything.  Every diet around and I won't name them becausethat could get me into trouble.  I had also done all the food delivery diet based company's.  I had a personal trainer (knee injury from this and one knee arthroscopy later....). What was I going to do?  I couldn't do any form of exercise because the pain was horrific so that was how I began to look into my options for weight loss surgery.  

I did, of course, have a lot of customers coming into the store over the years who have had Gastric Bypass or Sleeve surgery done and had lost an amazing amount of weight.  Their stories were always different. Not always was the information given freely.  I suppose they felt that judgement would be reigned down on them...... again!! 

So it was usually put to me in ways like, " I don't really know how to dress now because I have lost a lot of weight". "Oh, really?" I would say.  "Do you mind me asking how you did that? Because you look amazing!" and sadly so many times they would respond with "I gave up sugar" or "Keto" or "Diet & Excercise".  These women felt they couldn't be open with us because all too often they have  had to defend their decision to have the surgery.  They were made to feel like they had taken the easy way out or that they had "cheated " in some way.

A beautiful, long term customer of mine came in one day and I hadn't seen her for yonks.  She was visiting a friend in Rockhampton and decided to come into SGS for a squiz.  Well, she looked amazing!  She was looking so much younger, fitter and glowing. Just glowing 😊

I knew her well enough to ask her how she had lost weight. She told me straight up without any preamble that she had weight loss surgery.  It was honest and open and without shame.  She was not asking me for my blessing or my opinion.  She was interested in neither.  She was proud of what she had achieved.  It was my 'aha' moment.

So, I decided to take the idea home to Peter and the family.  Throw it around and see what they thought about such a drastic action 😔. I was humbled and overwhelmed with how much support they showed me straight away.  They did not hesitate and jumped on board the Weight Loss Surgery Train with me. 

Pete could see that I had lost so much confidence and was really struggling with my self esteem.  It affected me so badly in ways that are hard to explain.  Here I was trying to help women feel good about themselves and I was feeling like shite.  I felt that my opinion on styling didn't really weigh in because I was overweight.  I felt that my customers were looking at me and judging me for putting so much weight on over the last few years.  I had just lost my mojo and I felt like I was losing my sense of self. 

It's really important here to note that this was not really the case... our customers are genuine people and never once would they have thought such things.  It was all in my head.  That's how the confidence thief works.  She gets into your head and niggles away until you don't believe in yourself anymore.  My work is such a big part of me and I was losing the ability to help others due only to my lack of  self confidence.  My motto has always been "fake it till you make it".  I am not a confident person.  Far from it.  I push myself out of my comfort zone all the time. Every day I go into my store and do just that. Every day I go out into the world and do just that.  I fake it until I make it.  In other words I go through the motions until I begin to believe it and it becomes reality.  

I have the most wonderful husband.  Anyone that knows him, knows how blessed I am.  He is my rock.  He is my soulmate.  There is not one day in our life together that he hasn't shown complete and utter love and devotion to me ❤️️.... Well maybe if I had pissed him off... there have definitely been more than a few.....he is not a saint for God's sake 😉! Everyday when he comes into work he looks at me and tells me how beautiful I am.  For real.  Ask anyone!  

At what stage would he have said something about me having to lose some weight?  Maybe something along the lines of, " hey big girl, do you think you might shed some kilo's?" 🤣🤣 When I suggested this to him, he told me that he did  have a plan to do that when I got to 120kg.  LOL.  I'm still not sure he would have even said anything at 150kg.  As a side note, I do want to say that I got to 112kg (of what I know about anyway..... there certainly could have been times when it was over that but I was not that interested in keeping a track at that stage.  It was more like holy fuck! Get off as quick as you can! 😩😩) 

For all of you girls out there who ( at the moment ) may not have that support in your life please know that you are worthy of finding that self respect and pride in yourself.  You are worthy of finding those people in your life who will rally for you and who will be your biggest supporters.  I know this term is over used but you really do need to find your tribe.  As women we tend to care way too much about what other people think.  Why do we give them so much input and so much value?  

I know that I am a people pleaser and this can be detrimental to my own mental health.  I have to remind myself to not allow other people's opinion of me or what I do be a weigh in factor.  They do not have any friggin right to impact your life in such a way and I urge you to fight your way out of any negative friendships or relationships who don't encourage you to be the very best version of yourself.  

As a 50 year old woman I am so god damn adamant that we all start to be more transparent, to be more honest in order to be our more authentic selves.  If we are authentically living our best life then we can be role models to our sisters and daughters as a collective group, not just individually.  We have that power.  We really do.  

I surround myself with only the very best.  I am wealthy in female strength.  I have my two beautiful daughters who I want to be the very best example of womanhood too.  I have my amazing sister who has more life experience and love than anyone I know.  She shares each freely and unselfishly.  I have a handful of very very close friends and family who I know will be there with me through thick and thin.  They are my call in the middle of the night people 😂😂. Fill your life with these people and forget about the rest.🤙🏻

So there you have it for this week.  I am sure I have written too much! 🤪 I will see you all next week to share my weight loss journey (omg, I hate that word!  if there is another word that describes weight loss can someone please let me know in the comments below?  I so don't want to have to keep using it 😏😉)

Frumpy 50 or 50 & Fabulous! to be cont'd next week.... or whenever I get around to it xoxo

 


6 Responses

Janelle Harney
Janelle Harney

September 24, 2020

Megan, I am so proud of you.
Surgery was a big decision for you to make and by no means an easy way out. It takes a lot of work and motivation and I saw that light in you early.
Your focus and determination has been amazing to watch.
Its beautiful that through you being so open and honest, anyone considering surgery will be so grateful to read your journey.
You are blessed with a beautiful supportive husband and family as they are blessed to have you as their wife and mother. You are the most caring, compassionate beautiful person I know.
You have always looked so stunningly beautiful and stylish no matter your dress size and I know you make everyone of your customers feel so comfortable when they visit SGS, people always walk away feeling so much better after meeting with you and your awesome team of girls.
Take pride in how far you have come and love your new outlook on life.
I love having you in my life and wish you a lifetime of health and happiness❤️😘

Jodie Shanks
Jodie Shanks

September 24, 2020

Thank you for sharing your journey.
I have always loved coming into your shop.
1. It felt like a judgement free zone.
2. You know your stuff and helped a big girl get the right fit.
3. You stock quality clothes for the big girl.

I too have been thinking of having the surgery and it is a big life changing decision.
My children and husband are very encouraging. I am not sure I’m ready.
Reading your story has been very positive and I definitely will explore this option more.
Thank you so much for sharing ❤❤❤

Vicki Deller
Vicki Deller

September 23, 2020

Oh Megan, Your life changing story was so beautiful to read. I always look at you and think how beautiful you always are and how friendly and happy you make everyone feel when you see them. Life can sometimes be a rollercoaster ride, but you have made a decision to make a step to better yours for you. You are surrounded by a beautiful loving family and amazing people that love you for everything you are and what you give of yourself. I have read a few of your stories and I must say that I love the way you write and even though it can sometimes make me cry, you also make me laugh. You are such a wonderful, happy, loving and creative woman and I am so excited to be able to follow your journey to 50 & Fabulous which is what you are.
Lots of love always ❤
Vicki Deller

Rebecca Pullar
Rebecca Pullar

September 23, 2020

Just read this and wanted to say a big congratulations. So happy for you.
Its a brave decision and wonderful that you have shared.
Hope the family is well and all loving life. Crazy year heh?

Bec

Jules Little
Jules Little

September 23, 2020

Well, I must say you’ve always been beautiful on the inside and out to me. However, the way you’ve handle what has been dealt to you has been so inspiring. Your spirit has shined through it all and you are an inspiration to us all.

Kath Donohue
Kath Donohue

September 23, 2020

Meg that’s an amazing heartfelt 💓 message to all those wonderful girls and ladies out there in our community. I admire your vulnerability, honesty, passion and strength. I have always adored the way you touch people’s lives and boost their self esteem when they come into SGS. They may have popped in for a sneaky peak at your lovely stock and leave with a skip in their step with a new gorgeous outfit and an added bonus of a healthy deposit of encouragement and confidence from your passion and investment towards filling everyone’s bucket!!!
I hope that your story will enable women to support each other so we can empower everyone!
Regardless of your weight my darling sister you are stunning and keep spreading your love and encouragement … so every single person has an opportunity to SHINE 🌟🌟🌟🌟💞💞💞💞🙌🙌👍👍💫💫💫💫❣️❣️❣️❣️
PS How blessed are we to have each other to celebrate our sisterhood 😍🥰😘😍🥰😗😍🥰

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